Interview with Zexen Knights
by Ferrum
Summary: Arthur takes a chance to interview the Six Renowned Zexen Knights (plus Louis) for Budehuc Times and the zexen knights find their secrets revealed...


**The Interview with the Zexen Knights**  
  
Disclaimer:  
Suikoden III are registered trademark and copyright of Konami. Not doing this for profit, only for fun.

Notes:  
1. Salome's family name is taken from the Suikoden III manga and I don't know how to romanize it (I'm weak in this, believe me). So, I took "Hallas" instead of "Harras" (BTW, what is the right romanization?) The others're taken from the US ver. game.  
2. No, it's not a humor, although it's parody. Major OOC.  
3. Uh, massive grammar errors ahead. Although I'd tried to correct it.  
4. Spoiler alert? Falsehood alert?

* * *

Arthur: "Good morning everyone, here I am with the Six Renowned Knights of Zexen and their apprentice."  
Louis: "Apprentice? Excuse me, I'm *THEIR* apprentice, I'm *Lady Chris*'s attendant."  
Arthur: "So he said."  
Louis: (sweatdrops)  
Arthur: "Because I'm--- no--- the author is too lazy, she will write this entire fic in scenario mode."  
Louis: "What a loser."  
Everybody: (nod)  
  
I. Introduction  
  
Arthur: "So what we have in front of us are Lady Chris Lightfellow a.k.a The Silver Maiden---"  
Chris: "... ..."  
Arthur: "Excuse me, Lady Chris, did I offend you?"  
Percival: (grins) "She didn't like the title 'Silver Maiden', it gives impression that she is a beautiful glamorous noble lady when she doesn't even know how to dance---"  
Chris: "Percival."  
Percival: "--but of course it doesn't matter 'cause you won't dance often as a knight anyways."  
Everybody: "..."  
Arthur: (coughs) "and right here are Sir Leo Gallen, Sir Roland Lesaurus, Sir Percival Fraulein, Sir Borus Redrum and Sir Salome Hallas."  
Louis: "You really know how to shorten the time, don't you, Arthur?"  
Arthur: "And Louis Keeferson."  
Louis: "Thank you."  
Everybody: "... ..."  
  
II. About Sir Leo  
  
Arthur: "Let's start from Sir Leo. Good afternoon Sir Leo, how do you do."  
Leo: "How do you do."  
Arthur: "As you can see, despite of his barbaric face, Sir Leo really knows manner."  
Leo: "... this kid..."  
Arthur: "Although sometimes his tongue slips."  
Leo: "... ... ..."  
Arthur: "Sir Leo, I heard that you liked eating *AND* drinking very much."  
Leo: "Hey, you're even better than that Kidd kid in investigating."  
Arthur: "Thank you. And how about children, do you like them?"  
Leo: "Huh? What kinda question is that?"  
Arthur: "Do you?"  
Leo: "... ... I do."  
Everybody: "... ... ..."  
Louis takes steps away from Leo, Chris coughs and the others just look at each other with fear, saying, "I knew it."  
Arthur: "So there, folks, it answers your questions; 'Is Leo a pedophile or not.'"  
Leo: "WHATTTT!!!!???? Who ask that!?"  
Arthur: "Well, most people at the suggestion box."  
Leo: "..."  
  
III. About Sir Salome  
  
Salome: "Excuse me, can you make the interview quick? I still have a meeting to attend with the others in the Great Hall."  
Arthur: "Oh. I can ask you now, if you don't mind, Sir Salome."  
Salome: "The sooner the better, Arthur."  
Arthur: "... are you sure?"  
Salome: "Ah."  
Arthur: "... say," (turns to the other Zexen Knights) "have you ever wondered how Salome have many connections with many parties."  
Chris: "Come to think of it..."  
Salome: "Why are you asking that, Arthur?"  
Arthur: "The fact that you have many lovers here and there..."  
Salome: "!!"  
Borus: "No way! The mushroom head!?"  
Percival: "Borus! Don't be so honest!"  
Salome: "This is ridicoulous. I'm out of here."  
Chris: "Wait, I'm interested."  
Salome: "Lady Chris, I assure you---"  
Arthur: "Has Hugo asked his mother who is his father, yet; eh, Sir Salome?"  
Leo: "Uh-oh, you don't mean---"  
Arthur: "Yes, if you're as smart as I am."  
Percival: "What kinda quote is that?"  
Borus: "Beats me."  
Salome: "I think I'm going now."  
Arthur: "---to meet Lucia?"  
Salome: (blushes) "I AM GOING!!" (goes away)  
Chris: "For the first time I see Salome lost his temper."  
Arthur: "It was true then." (nods)  
Louis: "Milady, what happened? Why Lord Salome went away?"  
Chris: "If you're older, you'll know, Louis."  
Percival: "I never knew that Salome is a playboy."  
Roland: "Me too..."  
  
IV. About Sir Roland  
  
Borus: "Hah, too bad. You won't get anything from Roland, Arthur."  
Leo: "Yeah, Roland won't waste any words for answering useless questions."  
Percival: "Not like certain pedophile."  
Leo: "What did you say!?"  
Louis: "Oh, Sir Leo just admitted that he's a phedophile."  
Roland: "... please---"  
Zexen knights + alpha: "---keep your human jokes to a minimum. We know, Roland."  
Roland: "..."  
Arthur: "Sir Roland, how is your relationship with Nei going?"  
Roland widens his eyes.  
The Zexen knights plus alpha stare at the elf disbeliefly.  
Leo: "Roland! I don't know you're---"  
Roland: "I don't understand human's interest. It's not what you think and I thought I've told you to write more important matters in the newspaper."  
Arthur: "So, there's nothing between you and Nei?"  
Roland: "Exactly."  
Arthur: "Are you sure."  
Roland: "Positive."  
Arthur: (sighs) "I'm sorry, Nei."  
Zexen Knight + alpha: "???"  
Nei suddenly appears  
Roland: "!!!????"  
Nei: "Sir Roland, so, after all the times we have shared, you're only think me as a friend and less!?"  
Roland: "It's not like what you thi---"  
Nei: "Ah! Sir Roland, you're so cruel!! So I was only dreaming all these times..." (starts crying)  
Roland: "I didn't mean to---"  
Nei: "I'm sorry... I guess I'm expecting too much... I--- I---" (runs)  
Roland: "Wait! Nei!!!" (chases Nei)  
  
V. About Sir Borus  
  
Percival: "Well, that was quite a soap opera plot..."  
Arthur: "As we go on to Sir Borus---"  
Borus: "!!"  
Chris: "!"  
Athur: "Sir Borus---"  
Chris: How do you know about Roland and Nei? And Salome? Even Kidd don't have that in his investigation."  
Arthur: "Reporter's natural instinct."  
Chris: "... I see..." (starts to get nervous)  
Arthur: "Now, let's ask Sir Borus."  
Borus: "Uh... yeah... I guess."  
Chris: "Sorry for the interruption, but can we trust this 'reporter's natural instinct' of yours? Or you just make it out all along?"  
Arthur: "Of course, Noble Chris. I won't put anything that isn't reliable in my newspaper."  
Chris: "I see..."  
Arthur: "And now Sir Borus---"  
Chris: "Do you put *everything* you know in the newspaper?"  
Arthur: "... ... ... Lady Chris, are you just stopping me from interviewing Sir Borus?"  
Chris: "No! Please spare Borus' part, you won't get anything from him except his expensive hobby of collecting wine and the fact that he spends days ditching me for those stupid things---"  
Everybody: (looks at Chris)  
Chris: "I mean..." (blushes)  
Everybody: "..."  
Borus: "That's enough, Chris. He would ask about us sooner or later."  
Chris: "Borus!"  
Leo: "Wait a minute! What are you talking about!?"  
Percival: "Oh my goddess, you don't mean---"  
Louis: "Lady Chris and Sir Borus!????!!!"  
Borus & Chris look away from the others  
Arthur: "WOW! This is a scoop for 'Budehuc Times'!!!!!!! Are you two---!!!???"  
Borus: "What? You were not going to ask my relationship with Chris?"  
Arthur: "Like Heavens NO! I just wanted to ask about you and Anne."  
Borus: "WHAT!!!!???"  
Chris: (glares) "Borus! What's he talking about!?"  
Borus: "I don't have a clue!!"  
  
VI. About Sir Percival  
  
Arthur: "I spare you two for later, Sir Borus and Lady Chris. Sir Percival, as a man that is so popular among young ladies, what do you think about their relationship?"  
Percival: (stops gaping) "Huh? What? Who?"  
Arthur: "About Sir Borus and Lady Chris."  
Percival: (recovers from his shock) "Ah, I never knew about this before, I---"  
Arthur: "Of course you're disappointed because you have an affection to one of them."  
Percival: "How do you---!" (face reddens)  
Borus: "Percival! You never told me you liked Chris!!"  
Chris: "He likes me?"  
Arthur: "No appearently he's falling in love with---"  
Percival: "AAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"  
Louis + Leo: "With Arthur?"  
Percival: "NO!"  
Arthur: "With Sir Borus."  
*crickets chirps*  
Zexen Knights + alpha (except Percival): "WHAT!!!!!!!!!!???????"  
Borus: "ME!?"  
Chris: "With Borus!?"  
Arthur: "Yes." *is satisfied with the shocked expression of everybody present*  
Percival: (slaps his head) "I'm over."  
Leo: "I don't know you're a gay!!"  
Percival: "I'm not!!"  
Borus: "DOH! You like ME and you're NOT GAY!?"  
Percival: "You don't understand my feelings, I don't fall in love with every guy! Only you!"  
Borus: "Why me!? I'm so damn straight!"  
Percival: "That's why I never told you! But I never knew you're--- with Lady Chris---"  
All: "... ... ..."  
  
VII. About Lady Chris  
  
Arthur: "Lady Chris, what is your comment about this?"  
Chris: "... uh? ... I have no idea... ..."  
Arthur: "Is that so. So can I ask you for a question."  
Chris: "I think I have enough..." (holds head)  
Arthur: "I will ask you anyway, do you love Jimba more than you love Borus?"  
All: "WHAT!?"  
Arthur: "Because there was a time when you asked almost all of the Karaya Clan people about Jimba's life and asking if he had any lovers when he was alive; and you secretly keep his picture in your room."  
Borus: "For Heaven's sakes, Chris!!! A *DEAD MAN*!!!???"  
Chris: "Watch your mouth, Borus!!!"  
Arthur: "So that means you love him more than Sir Borus."  
Chris: "Of course I love him!"  
Arthur: "Who? Jimba or Borus?"  
Chris: "Both."  
Borus: "Oh gawd! I'm sharing Chris with a dead man!?"  
Percival: "You still have me."  
Borus: "Get away from me!"  
Louis: "Oh my goddess, milady..."  
Chris: "Why shouldn't I love him!?"  
Borus: "Why *SHOULD* you love him!?"  
Chris: "For chrissakes, Borus. He's my father!!"  
*silent*  
Louis: "Excuse me, Lady Chris, your father is Wyatt Lightfellow and he died in a war years ago."  
Chris: "My father didn't die! Well, now he did, but don't you understand, Jimba of Karaya Clan *IS* Wyatt Lightfellow!"  
Arthur: "Can somebody fill me?"  
Chris: "My father is a bearer of True Water Rune, he was cursed, he was immortal."  
Percival: "Yeah, immortal and died?"  
Chris: (glares) "He released the power of True Water Rune at the Cyndar Ruins and died soon after that; and the True Water Rune chose me as the next bearer."  
Leo: "Why did he go away, leaving Zexen, pretending to be dead?"  
Chris: "WELL! He needs to!"  
All: "... ... ... ... ... . . ."  
Borus: "This is getting complicated, why are you interested in his love life in Karaya?"  
Chris: "Doh, Borus! I need to know if he still loved my mother and me after he left us!"  
Percival: "And that makes sense, if it was true---"  
Chris: (stares)  
Percival: "But I do believe it."  
  
VIII. About Louis  
  
Arthur: "Hello, Louis, are you still here?"  
Louis: "Yeah, a little bit baffled, but... I think I get it; Sir Leo is a pedophilia, Sir Salome is a playboy, Sir Roland is not as innocent as I think, Sir Percival is a gay although he doesn't admit it, Sir Borus and Lady Chris are lovers, and Jimba is Sir Wyatt and also Lady Chris' father; anything I missed?"  
Arthur: "You got them all."  
Louis: "Except the fact that I didn't know about those things."  
Arthur: "And your comments please?"  
Louis: "Arthur..."  
Arthur: "Yes?"  
Louis: "Do you know *anything* about me?"  
Zexen Knights: "?"  
Arthur: "... uh, you're youngest of seven brothers in an aristrocrat family and decides to train to be a knight...?"  
Louis: "And?"  
Arthur: "... you're Lady Chris' attendant?"  
Louis: "And?"  
Arthur: "Period?"  
Louis: "Only that?"  
Arthur: "..."  
Louis: "Thank goddess."  
Percival: "Louis, are you hiding something from us?"  
Louis: (jumps in surprise) "NOTHING!"  
Leo: "You are."  
Louis: "Goodness, Sir Leo! Do I look like hiding something!?"  
Chris: "Louis," (sighs) "you do."  
Salome: (suddenly appears) "Let me tell you what, he's---"  
Louis: "ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
Salome: "---not a virgin anymore."  
Zexen Knights (except Salome): "WHHHHAAATTT!!!???"  
Arthur: "Ohmigod, another scoop!"  
  
IX. The interview ends  
  
Borus: "chrissakes, LOUIS! You're not even 16!"  
Louis: "I beg you sirs, don't expel me from my training."  
Chris: "I can't accept this!! That means I'm the only virgin in here!!?" *quickly closes her mouth with her hand*  
Zexen Knights + alpha (except Chris): "You're WHAT!?"  
Percival: "Borus! You haven't---"  
Borus: "Of course I haven't---"  
Salome: "I should have---"  
Borus: "DON'T YOU DARE!!"  
Chris: "CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT UP!!!"  
  
*The End*

* * *

Thanks everybody for the corrections, Daijin, Exhile87, Crystal ^^


End file.
